Reggie on cover of Essence?

Oh LAWD. Apparently everyone is in a tif over Reggie Bush being on the cover of the “Black men, Love and Relationship” issue of Essence since he is dating Kim Kardashian. For those who don’t know, Kim is white (half-Armenian and Scottish and Dutch) and not a “woman of color.”

First of all, Reggie can date whoever the hell he wants and he will still be a black man. The issue isn’t about black men in a relationship with a black woman. If that was the case then I’d see the argument, but it isn’t.

Some go further to say that Essence is a magazine for women of color so it should uplift and inspire them by opening up their mind to men of other races. I would agree more with the argument more than focusing on Bush’s interracial relationship.

My biggest gripe with Bush being on the cover is the fact that I really don’t know who he is. I don’t follow sports and I only know he is dating Kim. Couldn’t they have found a black man more relevant than Reggie Bush?

Michelle Obama: White-talking Black Girl?

Michelle Obama Was Told She Talked ‘Like a White Girl’

I love that she said: “. . . I am still getting my A!”

I think it’s great to see this issue being raised in a very public forum. I love that it’s getting so much attention and maybe this will help kids a.) not make fun of others because they are different and b.) make a kid that’s made fun of for “acting white” feel better about themselves. I like that she’s making it a point to say that she didn’t let it bring her down. I can truly relate to Michelle Obama. She is an inspiration.

Why the lack of posts?

When I started this blog, I had a lot of gripes to deal with regarding race, racial perceptions and the like. I still do, but in my everyday life, these things aren’t so obvious. I have a million other problems I’m trying to work my way through and I don’t have a blog for each of those. I wanted to see if people could identify with this one, though, and I’ve found that they can. I’ve gotten some AWESOME feedback and advice and for that I’m thankful. On the other hand, I’ve encountered ignorance and misunderstanding, which sadly isn’t that unusual or shocking.

I’m still going to post when I feel moved, but forcing myself to focus on negativity of some sort EACH DAY is draining for my well-being. I’m easily the type of person who overanalyzes and internalizes, so I must consciously make an effort to not do those things.

So that’s why there’s a lack of posts. But keep reading. Who knows what tomorrow will bring . . .

Jungle Fever

So last night I was at the bar celebrating my boy’s birthday with friends when this drunk girl, who is also black, and I were introduced by a mutual friend. I introduced her to my boyfriend and then she introduced me to her Puerto Rican boyfriend and said, “See you know about the jungle fever shit!”

I was drunk so I laughed and said, “Yeah, girl! HAHAHA!”

Her obviously annoyed boyfriend then chimed in and said, “I’m more black than white, though.”

And she said, “No, you Puerto Rican!”

I quietly walked away. I don’t know . . .is she dating him because he’s not black or what? I never look at my boyfriend and think, “Gee, he’s white!” It rarely crosses my mind. That drunk girl at the bar struck me as strange.

Playing the role . . .

I had coffee with a good friend last night who is also accused of being a BPWAW (Black Person Who Acts White). I’ve known her since elementary school and we’ve gone through a lot of the same experiences growing up with a lot of white friends. We’ve become the sort of Ambassador of Black People to white friends and alternately the Wannabe White Girl to black friends.

She brought up that she constantly feels as though she’s playing a role of some sort to most of her adult friends. She jokes that she has to be her alter ego, who she has named the ghetto fab “Shenaynay” who “keeps it real” with her black friends and sometimes she uses her as an excuse to get “black” (my term, not hers) with her white friends. She feels as though with her white friends she always has to be Super Proper to fit it with them.

We talked about how it makes us both feel uncomfortable when white people are overly self-conscious of how they behave around us non-white girls. It makes us equally uncomfortable when we’re amongst a room full of black people because we have a fear of not being black enough and being “found out.”

We’ve both suffered from the same complex given to us by people who found fault with how we are.

We’re both tired of playing the roles we have. I am not stupid enough to think that us BPWAW are the only ones to be victims of this role-playing mess. I believe it affects most of us. Only the truly confident people who really don’t care about what others think can escape this. I hope to be there. I hope not to get sad, nervous, angry, defensive, happy, etc. by what anyone thinks of me. I hope to not feel better or worse because of a look or comment I get from someone else for just being me.

Dealing With Everyday Racism

Before I post my responses to the situations I wrote about yesterday, here’s an article I wrote titled “Dealing With Everyday Racism.” It lists MY OPINION of the correct way to deal with racist comment.

http://racism.suite101.com/article.cfm/dealing_with_everyday_racism

How to Respond to Everyday Off-Color Remarks

© Adrienne Christina Miles

Aug 5, 2008

When faced with a remark that could be interpreted as racist from a friend or co-worker, it’s best to respond with a level-head.

The textbook definition of racism, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race” or “racial prejudice or discrimination.” Now obviously this definition does not explain an everyday remark which may leave someone with a bad feeling or thought. Usually the said offenders are actually stereotyping, which doesn’t necessarily mean they are racist nor does it mean their intention is to offend, most often they simply don’t know what they’re saying is even offensive.

Some examples of stereotyping include a comment such as “Black people love fried chicken!” or “That guy has a big nose, is he Jewish?” Both have connotations of otherness and racism can surely be inferred.

How to Respond to Everyday Racism:

1. Assess the intent. Know that the person may or may not be purposely trying to offend you. Try to figure out if their intention is to offend by judging the situation, context of the comment, the speaker’s background and other factors. It will undoubtedly prove difficult to absolutely determine the intent behind someone’s comment, but it’s best to think about it before responding in any way.
2. Determine if it’s worth confronting. After you’ve determined, to the best of your knowledge, the intent of the person behind the comment, you now have to decide whether or not you should respond. If the person is reasonable and you believe it would actually be worth the effort, go ahead and talk to them, preferably one-on-one. Sometimes, however, it’s not worth confronting a perfect stranger or even a close friend because of timing, importance, etc.
3. Explain why you are offended. Most importantly, try not to confront the person when you are still upset. Wait until you’ve calmed down a bit and explain to them that you found their comment offensive, and then explain why. Avoid accusing them of racism or prejudice. Simply explain why you’re offended and how their comment might be interpreted.
4. Don’t expect them to understand or apologize. This is an important tip to remember. Not everyone has walked in your shoes or been through your experiences, so obviously not everyone will understand or even validate how you are feeling. It’s also foolish to expect an apology from someone. If you decide to confront someone, do it with the aim of simply trying to let him or her know how you feel. No more or no less.

If you are always looking for an offensive comment or racism, you’ll surely find it and consequently be labeled as hypersensitive or excessively “pulling the race card.” So choose your battles wisely.

What would you do?

Here are five situations where blatant and covert racism may or may not be present. How would you respond to the following situations?

Situation #1: Black People’s Homes

You are in a different room and you hear your boyfriend’s father say, “Black people’s homes NEVER look like this!”

The whole room explodes calling your boyfriend’s father racist. You are not sure what the context is, but then remember seeing a Country Home magazine in the living room. “Black people don’t decorate their homes like this!” Apparently there is a picture of a black family in a very Southern-style country decorated room.

Your boyfriend’s mother says, “____, how many black homes have you even been in?”

He answers, “Three.” Goes on to name those three. Then he adds (or maybe Uncle adds . . .), “They were not decorated like this. They were very neat and clean, way cleaner and neater than ours, but not decorated like this?”

How would you respond?

Situation #2: Dark Meat

You overhear your boyfriend’s young cousins and friends talking about dark soda. Again, you are in another room.

“I don’t like dark sodas,” one male cousin’s girlfriend says.

“Do you like dark meat?” A male cousin’s friend asks.

“Ew! No! Um, obviously my boyfriend is right there and he’s white!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! That doesn’t mean anything . . .”

“Well, I don’t like dark meat,” she reassures him.

How would you respond?

Situation #3: The N Word

A co-worker and you decide to go out to dinner. On the way there, after your co-worker is close to ONE HOUR late, she says, “There was so much traffic up in this n***er!”

The comment is both racist, incoherent and untrue.

How would you respond?

Situation #4: Preferences

The same female co-worker described in the above situation later talks about a black male co-worker who she finds attractive. She says he always flirts with her. You encourage her to try dating him.

“You know, I don’t usually like black guys! But he’s cute and I bet he has a huge d**k. He’s really nice to me. I would work it out, if you know what I mean. But usually, you know, black guys like me because I’m bigger. You know how black guys like big girls, hehehehe, so I mean, usually I’m not interested, but he’s cute! I like him!”

How would you respond?

Situation #5: Ebonics

You’re twelve and hanging out over your new best friend’s house who is white. You and another classmate, who is also black are playing. Her cute older brother comes in. Your other black classmate starts verbally jabbing with him.

She says, “I asked you a question!”

He replies, “You AXED me a question? Sorry, I don’t speak Ebonics! I thought it smelled like burnt hair in here . . .”

How would you respond?

Is Obama a sell-out, too?

I got some flack from people about not responding what could be interpreted as racist comments that I overheard my boyfriend’s family saying about blacks and racist comments I heard from a co-worker. I did tell my co-worker what she was saying was wrong, but I failed to really give it to her like I probably should have because I just didn’t care. Not that it hasn’t changed the way I view her, but because I would rather look past those judgments and prove them wrong with my own actions.

ANYWAY . . .

Barack Obama chose Joe Biden as his running mate. The same guy who said this when asked about Obama:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

There’s obvious racist implications and stereotypes in that sentence. Obama STILL chose him as his running mate for political and personal reasons.

Is Obama selling out? Is he out of touch with the black community because he chooses to look past Biden’s obviously misconceived and narrow view of black people? I was accused of both by readers of this blog by not really confronting the ambiguously racist comments I’ve heard from those around me. Is Obama guilty of the same thing

Articulate

Throughout my youth, I would always get “You are so articulate!” from adults. It made me feel smart and special whenever I would hear that. People would be awe-struck at my proper adult language and manner of speaking.

However, once I got older, it struck me that maybe they just thought: “Oh, a black girl not using ebonics and using ‘proper’ English . . .how rare!” After the comments from classmates and peers about “talking white,” I assumed that being articulate is just another way of saying I don’t talk “black.” Insulting, I know.

Now that I think of it, I never hear people tell white kids they are “so articulate.” It’s a shame that people have to be SURPRISED at a black kid speaking proper.

When white commentators say that Senator Barack Obama is “articulate” it sort of bugs me. Of course, they don’t say George W. Bush (maybe because he isn’t . . .), or come to think of it, any other non-white candidate is “so articulate!” The surprise at Obama’s articulateness is because he’s black. It’s insulting in a way. It’s like, he better be articulate if he’s gotten this far! He’s a smart, well-educated man with intelligent ideas. Even if he wasn’t so “well-spoken,” “proper” and “articulate” it shouldn’t matter. Hell, look at George W. Bush! Poor leadership skills and even poorer articulateness!

I don’t know where I’m going with this except to say that I’m glad people consider me and Obama articulate, but it has a weird tinge when it comes from non-blacks because often they are so surprised because, I assume, it isn’t a given that blacks are articulate. When blacks say a child is articulate, it’s usually said with more pride and awe, in my experience.

Am I completely wrong here?

Not Black Enough . . .(Black from the Past)

I wrote this last year after a co-worker made a comment about me behind my back.

Sooooooooo, I’ve graduated college. I’m 23. I’m in the “real world.” I used to be teased for not being “black enough” in elementary, middle and early high school, but I thought I was over that accusation. In college I managed to avoid it. But does it ever go away?

One of my white co-workers told me another black co-worker said, (about me, in my own office once I left the room): “She don’t act black.”

Mind you, this black co-worker rubbed me the wrong way from day one because she was always gossiping, so I’ve purposely distanced myself away from her. She was also the same woman who kept asking me what else I was besides black. I have learned over the years not to trust people who are overly concerned with my race or ethnic background, particularly if they’re black themselves.

My dislike for her has nothing to do with her being black. One of my first friends at my job was black, but she left the company. I would never distance myself from fellow black officemates simply because of the color of their skin . . .but I also won’t be someone’s friend just because of the color of their skin.

This is making me angry, even though I thought I was over the people trying to tell me who I am and who I’m not bullshit. It’s bringing up old emotions that I forgot I could feel. I am black. Maybe I don’t talk like you. Maybe I don’t act like you. Maybe I don’t look like you, but I am black, too. And what kills me is that if I claim to not care about race or admit my non-black heritage, then it further proves their point that I’m “not black enough.” What gives?

Why do black girls do this to each other?

Perhaps it’s because of our own insecurities. It’s not my ultimate goal, nor would it serve any personal purpose for me at this point in my life, to figure out WHY they say such things without reverence to someone of their OWN color or regard as to WHAT they’re actually insinuating. Black does not equal ghetto/ebonics/the ‘hood. Seriously. That is so disrespectful. Way to perpetuate stereotypes.

HOW DOES A BLACK PERSON HAVE TO TALK?
HOW DO THEY HAVE TO ACT?
WHAT MUSIC ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO?

Sorry, but I must have missed that day of school where we were taught all of these essential guidelines for being born with brown skin. Please enlighten me.